Cliche alert:

We’re in the final week of Biggest Loser and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.

final countdown

I’m also feeling like a bit of a grump because I have cut calories to around 1100 a day, cut most carbs, and refuse to have a beer until Sunday. (Please hold out, please hold out, please hold out).

In the second half of the program I have done better than expected. My diet still isn’t great. I’m not hitting the targets that my trainers would have liked me to. But they can suck a rock. Those diets suck and I’m a healthy and mostly happy individual. I’m more active than I have been in years and I’m losing weight at about 1.5 lbs a week. It’s not the 2-3 lbs a week they would like to have seen, but remember, I wasn’t in this for the extreme weight loss.

I am definitely getting stronger, which means more muscle, which means the scale is a bullshit judge of success.

In saying that, however, I am one of the more successful members of my teams. I’m seeing a better weight loss than most members. I am seeing a huge improvement in strength and endurance. My trainers are very happy with my progress in class and I have been class MVP twice!

On Thursday, I am doing an Infrared Body Wrap as a last-ditch effort to make my final goal by Sunday. I have two free sessions from the whole MVP thing and while it sounds like bullshit, it is free. I do this for Science! There will definitely be a report back on results.

Only seven days remain. My final goal is 170 lbs at Sunday’s final weigh-in. I’ve got my mind-set and I know I can hit that goal. If I can push it to 168, that will put me at 10% weight loss in the 12 weeks.

Saturdays weigh-in: 175.6 lbs. Longest plank time recorded at 1:50!

You call that a diet?

I hold nothing back when it comes to what is the hardest part of this whole biggest loser thing: diet. My diet is bad. Bad is not a strong enough adjective. Fucking awful almost cuts it. Food is amazing. Food is wonderful. Food makes me happy. I am also pickier than a  Senior cheerleader at the high school dance.

If one more person tells me that “you can’t outrun a bad diet” I just may murder them. I love bad food, I hate good food, and I am surprisingly well versed in diet in relation to weight loss and body transformation. I know that what I am putting into my body is, in many cases, the wrong choice. Reminding me does us no good. Helping me find alternatives is helpful.

While I type this, I suppose it’s fair to mention that beer and ipadI’ve blown my calorie count for the day and the beer I’m drinking is not helping.

I’ve nailed down breakfast. Either a jar of Peanut Butter Chocolate Overnight Oats, or something simple like whole wheat toast and a couple of slices of bacon. The oats I make in three-day batches and they are tasty, 220 calories, and if my kid gets a hold of them it’s not that big of a deal. Toast is easy enough, and bacon I bake a pound at a time and freeze. Toss a couple of slices in the microwave for 20 seconds and your golden. The key, for me of the parenting type, is to be in and out of the kitchen in less than a minute. Otherwise the toddler decides the kitchen is a super cool place to play.

Breakfast is easy (and at least I’m having breakfast now!)

Lunch, is another matter. Days at home with the toddler I can usually eat when he goes down for a nap. Lately it’s been an egg white sandwich on whole wheat toast with a slice of mild cheddar and bacon. All in, about 365 calories. Sometimes I’m lucky enough to have some dinner leftovers, which is usually some sort of chicken thing. Work days I’m lucky if I get to eat anything other than a yogurt cup.

Dinner consists mostly of chicken. So much chicken. Pinterest is our friend, yay for garlic and brown sugar chicken. The struggle is finding something to go with the chicken. I hate vegetables. Guys, you can’t save me, don’t bother making suggestions. Green vegetables are the worst. They taste like grass (yes, I know what a lawn taste like, don’t ask) and can’t be redeemed. Non-green vegetables (Carrots!) taste amazing with brown sugar, or honey, or lots of butter, or… wait that fucking doesn’t help anything. If a person hates vegetables, and is trying to eat healthier, what does one have with all that chicken? The answer is red potatoes. 

Here is the difficult part: work. I work at a very popular pizza joint (18 years Madison’s Most Popular Pizza as voted on by Madison Magazine Readers). They are very kind to us and supply us with free food throughout the day/night. I love pizza. I love our pizza. I would eat a lot of pizza. I have been very good lately and have been avoiding the free pizza (I didn’t on Tuesday and it was the best fucking slice of pizza I have had in my life.) The days I work are a constant struggle with temptation. The last few weeks I’ve made sure to bring a yogurt cup to get me through a shift. Thankfully, my hatred of vegetables has helped in that they like to give us a lot of free pizzas with lots of vegetables on them and instead of picking them off, I just turn my nose up like some kind of pizza snob. (The answer is Pepperoni, BTW).

I always have a good week (last week) followed by a not-so-good-week (It’s only Thursday?) I figure if I can at least maintain that then I’ll get somewhere. Eventually.

So you can’t outrun a bad diet, but I’ll keep on trying.

Wednesday weigh-in 182.0lbs. These size 12 Rockstar jeans are looking pretty sweet right now.

IMG_1785

Fuck.

Back to back workouts and dieting sucks!

green-hairGetting my hair colored was vastly more important that my regularly scheduled Monday training appointment, I ended up rescheduling for 8 a.m. Tuesday.  I was reminded that I actually prefer to work out at 8 a.m. The Bad news is that it set me up for Tuesday-Wednesday back-to-back workouts. Blugh.

As expected I am struggling hard with the dietary aspect of this whole thing. It’s easy to say “I’m going to do this!” than to actually follow through. Food is tasty. Also, like many mothers, I struggle with the need to eat on the fly, whatever is within reach and can be consumed in under 15 seconds. Until this point, my daytime meals consisted of toast, cheese sticks, cookies, and granola bars.

Now some may say, “You know this seems like the perfect opportunity to eat an apple!” If only apples had a flavor when you eat them and not that weird, acidic tang ten minutes after you ate it. I would love to dip apple slices in peanut butter to make them palatable to me, but no, then the toddler expects to suck the peanut butter off the apple, and most likely, try to eat it as well. Something I have struggled with is eating an apple directly. See I’m the type that has to cut my apple up, otherwise you might bite into something you can’t see. There are bugs and worms and gross things in apples, I’m not going in blind!

One of my bosses recommended lunch meat rolls.  She said she will take a slice of lunch meat, low fat cheese, and maybe a little lettuce and roll it up and chow on the fly. This is not a terrible idea and one I will be trying. (Note to self, buy lunch meat.)

Did I also mention how HARD it is to diet when you work at a pizza joint? One that has an amazing tap beer lineup? My willpower worked serious overtime today. There were donuts (from Greenbush!) and a pepperoni crew pie.

Up until last week, crew pies tended to be some experimental monstrosity that I would avoid. Sometimes we got something simple, like cheese or pepperoni, but most times someone would put on a blindfold, grab from random cambros, and throw the toppings in the general direction of the crust. (This is likely untrue but it’s what I imagine happens back there every time I see one of these artistic nightmares). Ever since I started this diet and swore off pizza (ok, a slice once a week won’t hurt anyone) it’s suddenly all one topping, simple pies. Today was a huge test of willpower and I proudly say I passed.

Back on topic: A brutal personal training appointment Tuesday morning and an equally brutal group class Wednesday evening has led to a hungry, crabby, painfully sore momma who has little patience for anything or anyone. The positive thing I can take away from all of this is that I wasn’t the whiniest quitter in the group on Wednesday. I was proud of myself for this fact, and I will likely rant about this at a later time. Probably after our Saturday morning group class. I think that will be ugly.

I’m sure there are some life lessons to be learned in the past couple of days. They will come to me later. For now I’m taking the little victories and running with them.

Tuesday Weigh-in: 187.9 lbs

Wednesday Weigh-in: 186.4 lbs

And on the fifth day thy temple demanded a milkshake

I knew that the dietary part of this whole thing was going to be the worst. I. Love. Bad. Food. 

I made it through a day of “healthy” snacks, stayed under 1700 calories, and did not have a beer. (Technically I did not have a beer yesterday but I was hungover so it doesn’t count.) ((Sampling less than 5 ounces of beer as part of my job doesn’t count.)) (((Trust me, I am an expert at excuses.)))

I did good today. Baby steps. But as I crawl into bed and pat myself on the back for making it through the day without buying a large cookie for my lunch, I am seriously craving a milkshake. Specifically, a chocolate custard shake from Culver’s. The same Culver’s whose blue glow I can see from the window of my office, right behind my computer monitor. 

Dieting is the worst. Rewriting how you see, taste, and experience food is worse than the worst.